


Albino Cave Dweller

by Totallyawesomeharry



Series: 174 words for Penis other than Penis [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Fluff, Holiday, Honeymoon, Humour, Implied Sexual Content, Love, M/M, Surprises, Wedding, adventurous sex (implied)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 17:12:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6997393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totallyawesomeharry/pseuds/Totallyawesomeharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another fic in the 174 ways to call a penis other than penis series, the prompt being the second word from the long list (using a couple of others as well)</p><p>Kurt and Blaine finally make arrangements for their long awaited honeymoon. Well, Blaine makes arrangements and Kurt is left guessing.</p><p> </p><p>I don't have a plan when I start writing a drabble, only a rough idea how to use the word prompt. So I'm as surprised as you are with what happens!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Albino Cave Dweller

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks to starkidwhovianpotterhead, who gave me the idea of the honeymoon (i was a little bit stuck with what to do for this prompt)
> 
> This is the first fic i have done from kurts POV, so hopefully i can pull him off
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I have never been on a plane, so don't have experience with the flight process, so it is likely an awful representation, but go with it :D  
> Also, unfortunately I dont own glee :(  
> Also, the sensible part of me wants to warn you NOT to take shelter in a cave, as they are prone to collapse, especially in a storm like the boys are in. Your best bet would be to simply to get back to your car/wherever. and in lightening you should crouch down as small as you can, staying on the balls of your feet, with your ankles touching, if you are in the open and can't get to a safer location.

"Blaine, please can you tell me where we are going?" Kurt pleads from under the blindfold.

"Nope."

"Can I at least see where I'm walking?" 

"Nope. That would spoil the surprise." Kurt knows Blaine had been planning the surprise honeymoon for a while now, but despite all his snooping, Kurt had not been able to find out any information. Even hijacking his husbands computer didn't work, Blaine having foreseen Kurt going through his browser history and clearing it after every session.

"Please," Kurt whines, knowing it won't sway his husband once he is already set on his goal, but feeling he still needs to try.

"Sshh. Stand here while I check us on board." With that, Blaine leaves, Kurt feeling incredibly lost and disorientated without his sight. He knows he could lift the blind fold, but maybe he likes surprises, despite his constant moaning. So what, sue him!

 Eventually, he feels Blaine's presence once again.

"Blaaaaaaaaaaine...." he drawls. 

"This way," his husband directs, taking Kurt's elbow and leading him onwards.

* * *

Finally the blind fold is removed, even Blaine knowing he wouldn't be able to make it up the aircraft's stairs with it on.

Blaine guides the both to their seats, putting the hand luggage on the rack above their seats. Kurt doesn't even know what is in the bag, Blaine having packed everything.

"Please Blaine, give me a hint!" Kurt watches Blaine shake his head. He gives an exasperated sigh. Pouting, he tries a different approach. "OK, how about if we play twenty questions?"

"Depends what prize you are after." Blaine doesn't even turn to look at him while he answers.

"How about, if I am able to guess, you will reward me with the best sex ever."

"And what if you don't guess?" Despite his nonchalance, Kurt can tell he has his husbands attention, at last.

"Then you can have the best congratulations sex." Blaine chuckles, finally turning to look at Kurt.

"You have a deal. If you can guess where we are going, you get great sex. If you don't, you still get great sex but you don't find out where we are going.

"Done. First question: How long is the flight?" 

"Yes or no answers only Kurt, you know the rules." Damn, he was hoping to catch Blaine out this time.

"Ok, is it in the USA?"

"No."

"Is the flight over eight hours." 

"No."

"Is it under four hours?"

"No."

"Is it snowy?"

"No."

"Is it cold though?"

"No."

"Is there animals?"

"No."

"Is there other people?"

"No."

"Is it an Island."

"No."

"Is it... Is it somewhere we have been before."

"Nope. And that's half your questions." Kurt pauses, sure Blaine only answered nine questions.

"Hold on stop cheating. I've asked nine questions," He argues.

"No, asking how long the flight was counts as one." Kurt turns to face forwards, crossing his arms and pouting. However his curiosity gets the better of him.

"Are we staying in a hotel?" He hears Blaine chuckle, obviously his short attention span amuses his husband.

"No"

"Caravan?"

"No."

"Apartment?"

"No."

"House?"

"Nope," Blaine replies, popping the p for a slight variation in answer. Kurt sighs, getting nowhere. There aren't any other places to stay is there?

"Tent!" He almost shouts in joy.

"No."

"Blaine, are you just saying no to every question?"

"Nope," he smirks. Kurt can't tell if that was a truthful answer, or if it was proof that it was his only response.

"Is it something special?"

"Yes." _Of course it would be, that was a waste of a question_ , he thinks to himself.

"Is it in Europe?"

"Yes!" Blaine says, almost as excited as Kurt over finally getting a guess correct.

"Spain?"

"Yes."

"By the sea?"

"Yes."

"Southern Spain?"

"You are out of questions Kurt," Blaine informs, looking straight ahead at the empty seat in front. Kurt sulks the rest of the seven and a half hour flight.

* * *

"Welcome to Granada Airport," the flight attendant announces, waking Kurt from his sleep.

Kurt smiles smugly at Blaine, finally having an exact answer of where they are, before realising he would have found out as they let the airport anyway.

"Come on Kurt, there should be a car waiting." Blaine doesn't offer any additional information. Kurt goes back into his sulking funk from on the plane. It was fun to start of with, but after the long flight - even if he slept most of it - he has had enough of the games.

They collect their luggage without any hassle, both bags visible on the belt as they approached. Kurt pulls his own bag off, still unaware of what has actually been packed. He still can't believe he let his husband manage his delicate wrinkle prone clothes! Although it's not like Blaine gave him much of a choice in the matter anyway, doing so while Kurt was out at work.

Blaine approaches a car, speaking to the driver in Spanish before walking to the back of the car and putting his suitcase in. Kurt follows his lead, still not sure where they are going exactly.

* * *

After an hour's drive, they finally reach their location. Kurt is shocked at the discovery.

Right next to the beach, high enough to be out of reach of the water but low enough it was only a short walk to the shore, is what Blaine informs him was their home for the next week. A cave.

Not just a cave in the middle of nowhere though, this cave had been decorated to be lived in. There were four rooms, each uneven shapes due to the cave. The bedroom had a glorious four poster double bed, with white and red fancy bed sheets. Kurt drops his bag and jumps onto the bed, ungracefully landing in a belly flop. He sighs, inhaling the sent of lavender washing powder. He hears Blaine following him into the room with a chuckle.

"Don't get too comfortable, we are going out shortly," Blaine informs, moving both suitcases to the side of the room and walking out once again. Kurt gets up off the bed and heads through the next door, having already discovered the kitchen and living room. Kurt stops dead in his tracks upon opening the door. Inside is a huge bath room, almost as large as the bed room, with mood lighting strung up around the room, left on for effect. Centre of the room is a huge luxury bath tub, easily big enough for two. Upon closer inspection, Kurt realises it is a hot tub style bath, with water jets set around the edge. Pressing a few buttons he even manages to turn on some lights in the bath. He can't wait until he gets to use the room with Blaine later in the evening. Switching everything off, he leaves the room, shutting the door on his exit.

"Blaine," he calls, wondering where his husband has gotten to in the small cave dwelling. 

"Are you ready to leave?"

"Don't know?" He asks in response. How is he supposed to know if he is ready if he doesn't know what he needs.

"Oh well, come on you!" They leave the cave hand in hand, locking the large door behind them.

* * *

It must have been about lunch time in Spain as they sat down for their meal, Kurt having not changed his phone clock since he didn't know what time zone they would be in. Kurt didn't have a clue what it was he ordered, but when it arrived he was glad to see it was a simple sandwich. Well, a fancy simple sandwich. 

It turned out it was the best fucking sandwich he had ever eaten!

Once the meal was finished and paid for - by Blaine, - his husband took his hand and walked them both at a leisurely pace to the beach. Once they arrived, Blaine was quick to rid his shoes and roll up his trousers - of course, he had no socks on as was typical. Kurt perched himself on a bunch of rocks, jutting out slightly into the sea, where he could watch his husband without getting wet, as long as he avoided the few rock pools surrounding him.

However his plan to stay dry didn't last long. As soon as Blaine noticed he was carefully avoiding anything slightly damp, he came running over, splashing water as he did, before slowly sneaking up behind Kurt. He dips his hands into the sea, cupping them full with water, before silently stepping onto the rocks and pouring what's left down Kurt's back. He sequels and jumps up, turning to face Blaine.

"Blaine how dare you!" He wailed, "You know I won't be able to get the salt stains out!" Blaine grins cheekily, almost looking innocent if it wasn't for the fact Kurt knew it was him.

"Kurt, I know those clothes are old and only used for travelling as it is. If you are really that upset and want revenge, you will have to come get me back..." he shouts joyfully, already running away back into deeper water. Kurt considers it for a moment before taking of his shoes, setting them on the rocks next to Blaine's, and heading out into the water. He can just bin the clothes he is in.

* * *

Finally, huffing out of breath, they call a truce on the water fight, both as wet as each other. Blaine had decided to trick Kurt into the deeper water, before jumping on him and pulling them both under. Kurt thought it was hilarious how his husbands plan had backfired, and bursts out laughing, only to trip over his own feet and fall back into the water, coming up coughing and spluttering, which of course set Blaine off into hysterics. 

Although a truce was called, Kurt was pretty sure he knew who won, and that person wasn't him.

As the sky starts getting darker, rain clouds drawing in, the pair pick up their shoes and walk hand in hand along the beach, water grazing their feet each time a new wave comes in. They are just about to turn around and walk back to their bit of the beach, returning to the cave room, when the havens open, pouring it down with rain. Having almost dried of from their earlier stint in the sea, Blaine spots a little cavern and pulls Kurt in after him, sheltering from the downpour.

"Wow, that started suddenly," Kurt exclaims.

"Hopefully it will pass quickly too."

* * *

However the rain doesn't pass quickly, instead turning into a full blown storm, lightening and thunder. Kurt is glad it appears as though the cavern is far enough up the beach to be dry even at high tide. It's starts getting cold, and Kurt starts shivering in his still damp (now even wetter than before the storm) clothes.

"Hey, Kurt, you look freezing and the wet clothes aren't helping..." Blaine implies. Kurt shrugs out of his clothes, leaving only his underwear on, and curled up next to Blaine, who had done the same as Kurt.

After a while, the storm still not having slowed down, Kurt had finally warmed up from the pairs body heat.

"You know," Kurt starts, "this setting is like one in a really corny romance novel. Two people very much in love, stranded in a cave taking shelter from a storm at the beach."

"You know," Blaine duplicates, "If we were to take our underwear off, it could become a corny fanfiction." Kurt laughs at his husband, but surprisingly - as shocking to himself as to Blaine - he does pull them off, chucking them somewhere of to the side. Blaine is frozen.

"You mean like this?" He flirts. Blaine nods in a haze, unable to form words as Kurt gets onto his hands and knees and crawls over seductively. "Well caveman, let me see your little albino cave dweller." The unexposed area always being slightly less tanned than the rest of his husbands body. Blaine bursts out in laughter.

"Little. What are you calling little mister?" he jokes.

"Well, I have to say, proportional wise, its not that little. However considering me-" Blaine cuts him off in a kiss. Kurt laughs into it, but allows his husbands tongue entry no the less. Finally Blaine pulls back, coming up for air.

"Albino cave dweller? Really though Kurt?"

"Don't you like it?" He asks, jokily but with a hint of worry.

"I love anything you say," Blaine replies coyly, "However how about we stick to penis?" Kurt laughs, throwing his head back.

"Penis. Does it have to be so clinical?"

"Willy?" Kurt starts laughing even harder. "Cock?"

"Dick," Kurt counters.

"Prick."

"I will have you know it is much bigger than a little prick!" Kurt answers, mock offended.

"I know it is, stop being a prick."

"You're being a prick."

"I know you are but what am I?" Blaine answers with an ironic childish jeer. Kurt bursts out laughing once again, before being cut off by Blaine's mouth on his.

* * *

As they board the plane back home, Kurt can't help but consider how it has been his best holiday ever.

"Thanks Blaine. I loved it, and I loved you even more," he announces as he takes his seat.

"If you had to pick a favourite part, what would it be?" Blaine asks, generally wanting to know what Kurt loved the most.

"The cave," he replies with a suggestive smirk.

"The cave," Blaine agrees. Although Kurt thinks he will need to come up with an alibi if someone else asks him. _Oh fuck it,_ he thinks, _everyone knows what happens on honeymoons._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So the next on in the series i think will turn out to be a smutty one. I'm think having it as sebastian and someone else (due to the word prompt), but can't decide who. does anyone have any preferences?


End file.
